By Donna Cobban
May 9th, 2008
A wedding in the Midlands? Of course I'll come! Yes, yes of course I'll bring the baby! It'll be fun! Rolling hills, large country estates, English accents and gin and tonics - that's the Midlands I remember - wouldn't miss it for the world!"
My virgin baby voyage
Fun…hmmm – interesting perhaps, character building, highly educational and extremely stressful, would be a more apt description.
Just shy of 6 months, baby Luc took to his first flight like a pro! Perhaps it was the sheer volume of nice Christian men aboard the flight from Cape Town to Durban.
They were all en route to the Mighty Men’s Conference near Martizburg – 23 000 men expected, I was told. But whatever it was that was making baby Luc happy, was making me happy. So what if the airline had no vegetarian sandwiches left, I had especially skipped breakfast in anticipation of a plastic wrapped portion of processed cheese and white bread – ah well.
Lesson one learnt – pack snacks for me!
Seems flying is thirsty work for baby Luc – my carefully prepared bottles were quickly being sucked dry – oh boy. But hey, Cosmo mummy traveller me brought a thermos (Ok, an empty one!) which I got filled up at the airport coffee shop.
At the car hire company I mixed up some formula on their counter top while signing and swiping – it’s that Cosmo mummy thing again!
But where is the car chair I had cleverly pre-booked, for only half the cost of the actual car hire fee? The car hire woman claims I did not order one (wrong! I did I did!), lucky for us she has one available – this car chair is like nothing I have ever seen before.
The carbon dating must be at least pre 70’s. She hands it over and turns on her heels. Health, safety and an overall paranoia of being sued preclude her from helping to install it.
Luc eyes me suspiciously from his pram while I examine the pictures on the back of the chair and try to weave the seat belt in and out of various loopholes. It takes me the better part of 20 minutes but finally I pop him into place and now …the buckle won’t buckle up. I call the woman back – now she eyes me suspiciously, takes the buckle and presses it into place – hmmm, must be that sandwich I never ate!
Cosmo mom and baby are off
Luc sits happily in his prehistoric chair watching the world go by. Cosmo mummy drives off into the setting sun and by the time we reach Howick, it’s dark - pitch black in fact – that’s load shedding for you!
But no matter, Trish from the Country Lane Guest House welcomed us warmly into our flickering candle-lit stone cottage. Ours is one of three rooms attached to the main house – all with a ye olde English feel, with roses bushes and Labradors outside and the most comfy breast feeding couch imaginable inside.
Luc perfected his travelling style by falling asleep straight after a bath and being happily wheeled into the Corner Post Restaurant (124 Main St, Howick) where he continued to sleep serenely.
I eat, Luc sleeps – all is well
I am beyond excited at the prospect of the first meal of the day but there is nothing vegetarian on the menu. "No matter." I say "just cook some pasta and bring that" – deprivation has led to desperation and at this point I’ll devour anything (bar meat). The chef, a vegetarian herself (I don’t get it) cooks up the most divine parsley and tomato pasta.
Wedding day dawns all misty and beautiful and it’s almost a shame to leave our olde stone cottage. The vows are taking place in an indigenous forest at the foot of someone’s rolling country estate in Hilton.
En route I had hoped to stop at the Howick Falls and take a quick peek at the Midmar dam, but instead I must find a shop and buy a bottle brush and a toothbrush – seems I have set a theme to the items I forgot!
The setting is beautiful – hay bales and roses and a beautiful bride – but I miss the rest as Luc decides the ceremony is not for him, choosing instead to chortle loudly and need a nappy change.
But not to worry, there’s still the reception to enjoy – set on rolling green lawns softer than a Simmons mattress with Pimms on tap, a marimba band and beautiful people everywhere! Luc smiles readily and lies back on the luxurious grass to gurgle at the band. Everyone is convinced he takes after his “laid back mother” – hmm – even I am starting to believe there might be merit to this ludicrous theory!
Off in to the setting sun we head back as baby Luc's bath time beckons. Again he is quite drowsy as I drag him off to Harry Jacks around the corner for dinner.
Perfect baby, perfect weekend, perfect wedding
Not quite…20km from Durban International he decides he has had enough of being carted about and lets rip. Laid-back baby is out the window and monster howler emerges. What I have lived in constant fear of…unfolds.
To all those parents who I once gave the death stare to on long haul flights – I apologise! Luc expresses rage, indignation and fury – all wrapped up in the most blood curdling screams imaginable.
Death stare faces turn to peer over seats in front of us – trying to locate the lap from whence this dastardly noise emanates. I sink further into the seat. Luc continues – gulping for air to oxygenate the next wail, he kicks his legs and beats at my chest and there is nothing I can do except hold him and try to soothe him.
Eventually exhaustion sets in and the two of us fall back into broken slumber. We land in Cape Town and a broken mother and her happy-again son head home to routine and flightless living.
Click here to check out their experience.
Tips learnt along the way
• Take your baby's road to health chart or a medical aid card – some airlines require this as "id".
• Take the pushchair as carryon luggage – you might have a long trek to get to the terminal building.
• Pack extra food – for both of you.
• Check the carbon dating of the car chair when you book.
• Don't expect pleasant nappy changing tables anywhere!
• When booking accommodation try to arrange a microwave to sterilize bottles.
• Expect to be strongly disliked by your fellow passengers and try not to care.
• Take a thick blanket or piece of sheepskin so your baby can lie on any floor and have a stretch.
• Lower your site-seeing expectations to zero.
• Be brave!
Have some travelling fun with baby. Click here.
Read the 
Making your problems mine
A persistently loud adult on a flight faces being arrested and banned from the airline, yet screaming babies are considered acceptable? I think airlines should charge double for babies beneath the age of two years old. As for the advice - "Expect to be strongly disliked by your fellow passengers and try not to care". Exactly when did new parenthood become a justification for anti-social self-centredness? If you go in a public place, you have a responsibility to your fellow members of the public to at least care that you are not making them unhappy and uncomfortable and to try do something about it. Is that what vbeing "Laid-back mom" means? Indifference to all those around you?
AGREE
Well done I couldnt agree more, I think you're right, although I do feel for mothers with babies under 2, sometimes they must travel and sometimes no matter what you do you can't soothe the child.
What I hate is those mothers (thankfully in the minority) with children aged 2 - 6 (sadly sometimes 8 or 9), that allow their children to run riot inflight, these are the parents that do not believe in bringing the children inline "in case they break their childrens spirit" what nonsense.
Here is an idea dont fly with baby
Parents shouldn't be allowed to bring babies on board an aircraft, unless they can keep them quiet for the duration of the flight. If not they should be offloaded from the flight as any big mouth (usually drunken) adult would be.
Having a child = commitment = 2 or 3 years of not flying.
You're an idiot! Parents
You're an idiot! Parents don't always fly because they want to go and have a good time - sometimes emergencies call when you have to head off and face unpleasant family matters. Hope you are infertile and never have children. Stupid freak!
who's the idiot?
Firstly the subject line is limited to 25 characters, so your subject didn't fit - how bright you are.
Secondly parents dont ever have to fly, they choose to, even in emergencies (death in family: the only one I could think of that warrants a real emergency) you could always drive. If you say "but you cant like to fly to overseas" then you are even more selfish, imagine putting other fare paying passengers through 12 or more hours of hell, simply because you have an "emergency" and decide to bring along your spawn! Airlines should charge per seat taken, and not offer babies or youngsters cheaper/free seats. We would then see how many people choose to fly.
You ARE an idiot!
What if your kids are born overseas, like mine and you want to come home once a year? Or was I supposed to drive back after our 3 years abroad ? That's a real brainwave from your side ! And, for your information, you pay - last time I checked 10% for up to 2, and 75 - 80% between 2 - 12. So - who is the idiot ?
Travelling with babies
I'd suggest that anyone who anticipates travelling with a baby does not wean the baby until after the trip. I was once stuck at an airport for 2 days due to a strike (think Nationwide-type problems too) and was so thankful that I didn't have to worry about feeding, finding other supplies, warming them up, sterilising containers. Breastfeeding means not carrying supplies of artificial milk, containers, boiled water. Breastfeeding is also a way of comforting a baby through the ear-poppingness of take-off or landing and general grouchiness (ie less chance of upsetting the passengers on the plane). Artificial feeding is hard work at the best of times, let alone in strange and possibly less hygienic surroundings.
Jacquie