England, innit? Yawn. So your friend went to London and all you got was this lousy t-shirt.

Most of the time, when we hear about the UK, it's often because your friends have made the exodus there (and subsequently reiterate tube and weather hassles), or it's the chavs who live in South Ealing, or it's Notting Hill.

Fair enough, but if you have some dosh (pounds, that is) lying around, a holiday in London will be one of the most exciting destinations you can travel to.

A week in London can be an exhilarating trip, because as the saying goes, 'If you're bored of London, you're bored of life,' or the likes of.

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There are loopholes that you can dive through in order to have a good time and not spend your pension fund. For instance, buying a £25 Oyster travel card for the week covers your buses and tubes ad infinitum.

It's a definite bonus if you know someone in London, even if it's your third great aunt once removed. Chances are you know someone who lives in Putneyfontein anyway.

But if not, the Circle Line goes around and around the perimeter of the city centre. So take advantage to sleep, not that I'd ever suggest this.

London isn't essentially a British city anymore. You'll hear a myriad of foreign accents on the streets, in Top Shop and at the pubs. It's as cosmopolitan as you can get, which is one of its many charms.

Londoners seem to walk around with that typically stoic nonchalance of having seen everything before. The nutters, the punks, the fashion – Londoners don't really blink at anything out of the ordinary.

Except when you come home from a huge night the morning after, and you're in the same clothes as the day before, and you have to take a tube home. It's a little embarrassing.

If you're strapped for cash, a simple walk up the embankment starting at St James Park is a great way to see many of the sites in an hour without having to pay a cent.

The parks in summer are filled with hopeful picnickers and picture-perfect ducks, and there's a great view of the London Eye from St James. From there you can amble to Westminster and Big Ben, where hippie, anti-Kabul and political protesters camp out, past Downing Street and up to Trafalgar Square.

All very beautiful, and that is always a highlight in a city as grand as London. Every building is a masterpiece, even the little shops and pubs on the corner. Architecturally, London is mind-blowing.

As far as the Brits are concerned, they're dry and stoic. Which by no means suggests they're unpleasant people. When they do something, they do it properly and their quirky sense of humour is mentionable.

Stand to the right on the escalators, and there'll be no polite frowns. In the tube, you might be sharing a cabin with 58 other people, and you might even have to stand with your face in someone's armpit, but everyone has their own bubble.

Just don't make eye contact and you're good to go. It takes a lot to get a Londoner into a flap. Depending on where they're from: sometimes its better just to study your shoes, especially if they're wearing Burberry tracksuits.

Summer is definitely the best time to visit England, as the sun goes down after 10pm, and you might even be subject to a bit of sun and Brits walking around in string tops when it's 20 degrees outside.

London caters for everyone, with interesting spots dotted around sometimes obscure parts of the city. Chinatown in Soho served me the best Phad Thai I've ever had, and Richmond on the river serves a Pimms on the lawns, were you can watch the boats and Mick Jagger's house.

Of course, Camden, Covent Garden and Notting Hill are top attractions, with their shopping, markets, pubs and atmosphere. Portobello Road in Notting Hill has a market, where some stalls sell clothes for a quid a piece.

I found Hugh Grant's and Spike's blue door from the movie, but the existing residents have since painted it black, to shake the tourists. The famous bookshop is there in all its glory, which I sat watching while devouring the hell out of a plate of bangers and mash.

For proper shopping, the kind that will melt your credit card, but you just have to do because everyone looks so chic and European here, are Top Shop and Selfridges.

Primark is a cheaper alternative, offering three-for-the-price-of-one sales. You could also always get a Wedgewood tea set for that third great aunt, whose couch you're sleeping on, at Harrods in Knightbridge.

You can generally find cheap(ish) pub grub favourites like Cornish pastries and fish & chips (with Bubble & Squeak). The Shakespeare in Victoria do huge portions of something-and-chips for a few pounds.

Your pints will cost you around £4, and that's for the average stuff. Don't bother lighting up, the Brits take the new anti-smoking laws super seriously. If you want to quit smoking, pariah, London is a good excuse.

Pimlico, an area close to Westminster and Victoria, houses the Tate Museum, an easy walk, and also thankfully, free.

However, sometimes it's watching what's going on around you over a cappuccino on Oxford Street is a feast for the eyes.

If you've never visited London before, the buses, little black taxis, the buildings and the people are a novelty. And if in doubt, buy a black coat and two brollies (because one will turn inside out, this I can promise).