Firstly there was the old Chinatown; easy to access, where conversation was challenging but could be carried out in broken English and surprisingly in Zulu. 

 

Today Cyrildene’s Derrick Avenue is the only Chinatown in South Africa and unlike its Commissioner Street predecessor the language of choice is Chinese Mandarin, all the way. Rather than make this an impossible location to navigate, the otherworldly feel of the suburb makes it an even more attractive a place to visit. It’s a Chinatown the way it should be; confusing, delightful and odd.

 

As is the case with most Chinatowns around the world the fun lies in the perplexity (maybe that’s why Woody Allen thinks it’s stupid to try to know the universe when it’s an epic enough mission to crack Chinatown) and of course, the food. You don’t have to be an adventurer risking life and death with pork intestines and ox tendons to fully enjoy the eating experience. One of the popular Mandarin restaurants, China Garden restaurant serves great prawn, chicken and pork dishes that are easy on the non-Chinese palate. And while soju is Korean rather than Chinese, it’s a popular alcoholic drink to try at the end of your meal.

 

The ruling Derrick Avenue dialect might be Mandarin but the food options are definitely broader. In addition there are Cantonese, Shanghainese and Hong Konger fares. Mongkok and Mei Sin restaurants are good spots for Hong Konger delights. Go for the dim sum. This way you can sample a wide variety of treasures including steamed dumplings, shrimp balls and other sweet and savoury items. For a typical Cantonese menu of roast duck and pork, Sun Fat and Southern Flavour are the best.

 

Any respectable Chinatown has to have a curious supermarket. A place where the locals hoard ginseng (good for everything) and oolong tea (looks like gun powder tea but tastes more like green tea) while the visitors wonder just what is it that can’t be made from soy bean. Or whether the black duck eggs on offer are the popular/terrifying embryo filled ones or not. Yat Kee is one such place.

Before you go, note that there will be products whose potent powers you’ll never fully realise simply because of the language barrier (they speak Cantonese in here). Accept that fate and then you won’t mind so much if you never know whether the bottle you have in your hands is the secret to eternal life or just another black bean sauce.

 

Everyone remembers those enjoyable but out of sync Chinese martial arts films. Or at least has an image of that yellow Bruce Lee jumpsuit lodged somewhere in the shallow reaches of memory. You see, every Chinatown has a few video shops crammed with Chinese language films, karaoke, and at times pornography. He Ji is one of Derrick Avenue’s popular video shops. Get a few Chinese historical epics and slick Hong Kong action films to enjoy when you finally get home.

Make sure you don’t buy pirated copies. Do you really want to spend time figuring out what, “Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep,” means? And just for fun, “Damn, I’ll burn you into a BBQ chicken! Take my advice, or I’ll spank you without pants.”

 

When visiting, look out for the ornate neon lights, they are gloriously kitsch. And then there are the shop signs. Some written in the most beautiful calligraphy while others are simply confusing because their names don’t really indicate what’s sold inside, they’re just left-overs from past owners. And remember the dumplings; whatever you do don’t leave without eating the steamed dumplings.